childhood

My cheek is touching the creator and i do not wish to remove my cheek

my distance is not there from its loving touch

this moment is always

there is no misstep

why gyan is superior to all known path to reach eswar

once i touch my cheek on him - it is fused forever

the other day i asked what is after eswar

it is me

what is other than eswar

is it possible


I have been reading Ramakrishna's kathamrita in very detail I have about finished one third I am not keen in reading but it continues

I see what he is preaching

one is sufficient and how possibly one can realize the same

no matter how attractive his words are they have no meaning

one can not realize the goodhood and sufficiency of one self and paradise now and there is after and there is no before

I can only touch my cheek and can not separate

I am fused

my ignorance is unlimited

compared with himalayan ignorance my knowledge is that of ant or amoeba

my appetite and hunger for knowledge is not there

I love two of my friends more than anybody else

they are cecilia and cole

cecilia's great encounters with realities is great fun for me

the other day she showed inside her mouth - i did not see much but she said dentist - she went to dentist for jaw shape and teeth shape - she is a very beautiful girl

cole comes to me many times in a day just like cecilia used to do he come for some toys but fond of my cell phone - he speaks very little but has an appearance of superiority over my childishness - he shows indulgence - he longs to play with me - he has priority to know modern toys like cell phone and sophistication with light and sound - he also loves tv remote with many switches

when i was in school i used to read lot of biographies - i do not remember where i used to get them but i used to get them. i read somewhere that iswar chandra was devoted to his mother. i started to touch my mothers feet before going anywhere

I could get rid of shame as and when i required

when i fell in love - i could not be secretive - i told everybody i knew - i was not ashamed but afraid that i am unable to control  my emotion - i went into seclusion - i wished to be in control - i left job n baroda and left for hyderabad - after many decades only i realized my mistake - the person i loved assuming she is devoted to quality and gyan - she was devoted to money and men

i have two or more qualities - i keep my words no matter what - my honesty - i am unafraid to the extent i can lose all - my relation health life wealth - i never beg not even to my creator ~ i am proud of one quality - i can give up however painful is the loss - including my life or my life's commitment

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