raghu

for a long time raghu was in my shadow he followed me till some time 1987 when I left for Kolkata

he married some time early 1990s and i did not know his whereabouts

last year he supplied some Bengali Puja Magazines to me I still have to pay his debt

Sometimes these days I ring him up on sundays and talk to him

he wishes to be writer and still struggling to write

he sent me a few pages couple of years ago looking to publish but they did not really catch my attention and let it pass

I got influenced by him to read SF but I cannot any longer read them as much as I cannot read science and technology

I have been emptying myself of people and their devotions and hypothesis

i am not curious

last night I called him up and we talked for sometime nothing much happening - he talked about some fair in bandra i talked about rain in Columbus - my anxiety that my sump pump may expire causing me flood

my anxiety took me outside in the morning to assess the situation and i also looked at weather prediction for next few days

I am limited this days by my poverty and hypothetical supports - i no longer creatively imagine comfort except i wait and see till they become part of me and vanish without causing me any more anxiety of the same kind

rughu till recently wanted to be success but now given up perhaps looking for buyer of his business - he does market research surveys usually election time is good time to make money

i found that he is disillusioned about bjp - he said that in 4 years the moral fabric of indians were eaten up - for me i had seen the destruction when I went to India in 2012 when my brother was in hospital

even in my own house i am not communicating with any one

i am without people

once a day i talk to chandra for 30 minutes or less and try to see delhi through her eyes - she is also disillusioned about bjp

sudden progress achchhe din is no longer there US visa problem is creating doom - 6 years rupee has taken nosedive - 50% devaluation

india no longer promotes merit but subservience

I have only one tool - abstinence from people

i keep my heart empty of people - i have only this shelter where i live alone - totally empty.


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