words very important

Since all is me and my belief - words and sounds I emit is very important to me in my undoing of me and must be acted out accurately same as always until I am completely undone the strangle that suffocates me

if anyone out there reading me shall not understand what i am talking about and i do not explain any further

unless i make assumption i do not think say sense or do

I am like bat send radar messages and wait and receive and analyze what is out there reflected my radar emission

it may be very large object but my analysis showed it is devourable and small

i try to devour the same instead get eaten up

end of story in order to prolong the story

but what i am attempting is undoing my compulsion or convictions with words and sounds and their meaning as understood by me

it is 100% incorrect however I would like to believe it is 100% correct since there is none out there to contradict me

unless I do!

I have been living dual life of male and female all my life and both are my beliefs in words and sounds!!

Both were unknown to me to this day!!!

this is a strange game i am playing in vacuum

playing roles of me and not-me both do not exist but in my mind

I make commitment and i keep commitment and I am fooling myself the existence of both me and not me

if me is singular not-me is plural and both logically connected in my memory by my intellect

do I see it - my self deceiving game?

It was never my intention to burst my ballooning game without content but play it as per my rule - i called it honesty of fairness where i may go burst or lose all or risk all where i permit every other person to gain without any foul play be me anytime - always keeping my promise

i got burst many a time and i quit but it was never my intention to leave my game all time to come

I also did not know then how pervasive this game of mine ~ i was playing it every moment of my life - day and night dream sleep or awake

 I did not wanted to know

yet today on my own I am withdrawing myself unwillingly from this game of making people with my design taste and transacting with them as another make up of me ~ does not excite me or fill me with happiness and possibilities of goal fulfilling satisfaction to show ~ there is none to see

 my chess board is open without men or me now and always ~ i still do read write program learn but I am without face or faces and I have an audience without faces ~ truly

[What does truly mean? what do I commit to myself? A promise to remember and execute if I remember at once.]

I am Silent, i am absent, all is absent

Words or sounds no more make sense in the manner it used to do


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