self assessment report

what can I claim as my achievement of life time?

I have no need.

What have I learnt from life?

I am my creator as well my world.

Can I teach what I know?

Yes even without any doing or saying. I have not met anyone keen to learn.

What is my future?

I do not know. I do not know if I could live without support my entire life time. Although I aim to do that.

My assessment of others are not very complimentary. I respected my mother as honest and brave women who did everything in her possession for her children and remained not as burden to anyone. My brother Kamal is honest and giving person. He was cheated by five persons - didi chhordi jamaibabu Madhu and pinku - they were instrumental for his early death and wrong treatment KNOWINGLY. I cannot forgive them because they did this for his money. My brother Gopal is the purest character most giving character in my life. He only gave and took nothing for himself. He died earliest in two days sickness. I loved my brother Bidyut, he is forever giving but lacked control and suffered most. I loved my brother Sanat but could not appreciate is tendency to win at any cost and miserly attitude. I consider myself very fortunate to have my family upbringing.

I tried to give the same upbringing to my children. It is possible to be independent and honest and still have comfortable life. It is not needed to compromise ever.

I have no relationship with my sisters family and wife's family. I do not like to have any. They are full of lies. All of them are again Dikshits from Ramakrishna Mission. RKM is responsible for downfall of Bengal and Bengalis. Bad education.

I also learnt something very valuable from my meditations. The limitation of learning. No matter how many years I live and no matter how many lives I live ~ all my observations are illusion and there is zero content in them ~ there are my imagination however real they may appear. There is none and nothing. I do not know if CHHorda learnt it or not. Dada perhaps had that knowledge. I go further to say future of earthlings remains same for all time to come. No matter what observations we make - we shall not be progressing ever. Our numbering systems, our economics, our sciences, our travels would not create any truth but hypotheses only.

we cannot ever go beyond tautology. Our sense organs to start with is defective. Our method of deduction and inductions only creates hypotheses and proves nothing. There is one and only truth ~ there is no truth. It is always bluff. It is hopeless. Mere living does not add any value to my life.

How pure I am?

I am pure. I do not do much of difference between my honesty and my words. I do sufficient work before I claim competence. I am attracted to beauty but do nothing more than what is my right to appreciate. My assumptions are wrong. I am correct on children. They love me and fetch me out. Some grown up women do love me. I am exceptionally pure. I usually see purity in others. But I am disappointed.

How peaceful I am?

I am excitable. I do get excited with lies and abuses. I recover from personal injury in less than 2 hours. I get hurt very badly abuse of children. Even though I am pained I do not wish Cecilia comes to our place. Joya simply does not know how to care for children. She does not have required tolerance required for childcare. I am very happy when she is not here. It seems Ramkrishna stood before Ganges about to commit suicide because of his nephew Hriday. I sincerely hope she lives in Kolkata. I do not even utter a single word yet I have to listen to her filthy words.